Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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