how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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