she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
