I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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