Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
