Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
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