You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
