So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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