Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
