Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
