either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
