apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The air was thick with penises
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
