i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
be right there i have to get my cape
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
