I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
