i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
