I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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