Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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