Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
