I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
