is your mom at the bar?
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
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