I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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