you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Shame - the story of my life.
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