im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
