If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
