Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
