and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Randomize
