is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
