I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
