if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
