if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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