Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
