So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
