now i know why i became what i already was.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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