Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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