Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
