I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
