I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
