bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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