It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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