White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize