community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
