Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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