I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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