I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
