every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
