remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
