Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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