i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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