yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
