also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
