no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
