Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
