too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
